#wishlist

List of things I want:

A Diamond engagement ring in December. From you, Mister.

Friends.

Dandruff free hair.

Getting a 'sold out' at the Expo.

You.

Your love.

Smile and wave boys.

This blog is so emo, it's ridiculous.

I want to get angry and upset at you but I'm not allowed to anymore. So I'm sitting and I'm periodically swallowing.
I'm taking in all the feelings. The unhappiness, this unfulfilled incomplete ache, the thoughts of 'so this is your forever', and the feeling that I will never ever get my fairy tale.
The worst part is that I'm doing this to myself. I'm not being forced into it. I have no one to blame but me. I suppose that should make it easier. But it just makes me sad. What is my life? Why can't I have the kind of relationship I've always dreamed of?
I'm not a bad person. I love fiercely.
Do I not deserve it?

Talking about it does no good. It's not even that i talk about it to complain. I talk about it because you're smart and maybe you can help me. But it's taken as being 'not understanding'.
I understand. I'm not fucking two.
But understanding does not mean that I have to like it too. How do I deal with all these feelings?
I do not.
I stay quiet. I offer as much support and love as I can. I drink up all the feels.

Smile and wave boys. Just smile and wave.